So once again it's been forever since I blogged.

I think Ava is going to walk soon!! She is taking up to 10-12 steps at a time. She still seems to prefer to crawl. I really wanted her to walk by Halloween...hurry it up girlie!!

Ava really enjoys when her cousin who is 7 months older comes over to play!! I got them to sit still ( bribed with fruit snacks lol ) so I could take some pictures. It amazes me how more open she is since her cousins have been coming over for me to watch. She needs a sibling sometime soon! I feel as though when its just her and I she gets really bored! We run out of things to do.

Ava also recieved her first bruise on her face!! She fell and hit the TV stand..poor thing! Her knees are also getting bruised, she crawls like crazy! She needs to walk to give those knees a break.

As far as me, Ive been feeling alright. I have been getting some episodes at night of Tachycardia. My heart will be up to 140 for hours. Blah but drs really dont care, they blame everything on anxiety. I am trying to have a more postive outlook on life...I am dieting with a friend of mine ( Shout out to Meg! ) and we are emailing each other what we ate for the day ..we basically just hold each other accountable. I do ok during the mornings but as the days go on, and early evening comes along I start craving sweets like crazy! We will see, I hope to loose atleast ten pounds in the next 5 weeks or so.

My back and arm is aching, i blame that on how I sleep with Ava, she still sleeps on my arm..not as much but for atleast 3-4 hours a night. I am finally starting to feel it..ive been waking up with charlie horses in my neck..umm who gets them in their neck?? I guess me..of course.

Ok well i suppose i should go to bed!

Take care

Why won't she eat!!I

It's driving me crazy. Ava has not been wanting to eat for weeks. She had a cold, but that seems over with ...so whats the deal. Its totally driving me crazy. She is a little 15 months old it is, around 21 pounds..she needs to eat!! We went from little miss piggy, eating 2 stage 3's and 3 stage 2's PLUS table food and milk..now she eats about 2 jars of stage two a day, LITTLE bites of table food and some milk. She is going to wither away! Im so afraid for her. I offer food all day long, i think im obsessing over it. UGH.

Not much else to report...well there is a lot, but it doesn't belong on this Blog right now.

On the health front, my anxiety is worse than ever..but Ava keeps me going. Thank goodness for her. Ive been feeling faint again when i stand up, my heart pounds. Who knows what the crap that is..i thought i was done with that!
Awhile back my gyno told me he could be my PCP...so I changed him to be my PCP...then his assistant told me to switch to another insurance so It would cover my BCP for my PCOS...so i did..i make an appt go in for my vertigo, they give me a referal for the neuro...THEN one day before my appt they call me and tell me that they dont accept my new insurance..only for gyno issues...UGH!! WTF!!? So my referal was no good and not go to to my appt. SIGH. I told them They were the ones that told me to switch. Im so mad and upset..ihate to call back and switch again! So ridiculous, and they were rude about it .

Ok thats my vent for the day.

Anxiety raring its ugly face

Today has been a fight. A fight to just get through the day until bed time. While i have in my mind things I want to do, i keep getting waves of ligtheadedness , feeling like im going to pass out..i just dont know, how can the be anxiety. I guess atleast I have something to blame it on.

We went shopping this morning , got Ava a new toy..a Mr. Potato Head. lol. Frank picked it out. It was really nice to get out of the house, I Loved it. Although the whole time i was using positive self talk. Trying to convince myself I wasnt going to pass out. Why cant i just be normal? For Avas sake? Sigh.

Ok well thats enough whining..i still have no new pics of Ava. Ive even been slacking in that department.

Starting to climb

I know Ava is a bit behind on this, but she got onto the couch by herself! And i caught her trying to climb onto the coffee table..lol. Who knew such little things could make me so proud. Im sure in a couple of weeks when she has mastered her climbing i wont be as happy.

I watched my sisters kids again today..the morning was nothing but confusion. My mom wanted to take emily home with her, but she was supposed to come to me..so i said no, just bring her in. Emily throws a fit when she comes here because of my "rules"...i am very structured and have a schedule..and i dont go for hitting and i do have a time out. ONLY to keep things in order. im not downing my sister, but they dont live a very structured life. we do things very different here..and emily doesnt like that. She was very good all day though..once she got in!

I havent talked much about it, but my wedding is in 7 months. I am getting so nervous about it..im so afraid something is going to happen, like ill go to the neuro and she will tell me i have brain cancer and that I wont be able to get married. So ive been avoiding any wedding plans..my friend called today ( one of my bridesmaids whom i love ) and was talking away about the wedding..i got so depressed . Im so afraid it wont happen or ill be too sick or have a panic attack. sigh.

I just dont know sometimes!

Vertigo, anxiety ,ugh!!

Since Ive last posted I went to my dr to talk about my ears and vertigo. She told me I have fluid and pus in my left ear..then told me I need to go a neuro to check out why I have had vertigo attacks on and off since I was 16. She FREAKED me out..brain tumor, ms, brain stem injury. My anxiety is terrible. It hasnt been this bad in a couple of years. All i can think of is..SEE I was right..I have a brain tumor. Its my worst fear . My appt is on the 18th. I keep trying to think positive..being that my ear DID have fluid and that could of caused my dizziness. I COULD just get chronic ear infections that do damamge to my middle ear...i recover, then it happens again. Im trying to think of all the simple things it could be. But really..I am just scared to death.

Ava has been a little princess. I love her so much and if it werent for her i probably would of lost my anxiety ridden mind. She stands up all by herself from the middle of the floor..she tells me NO, shakes her head yes, and she Claps now. yipee. Im hoping i just was worrying about her development for no reason. She is so pleasant..she loves to smile and laugh..and really has her dads disposition. She has woke up screaming two nights in a row. I think she is teething. Usually she just wakes up and wants to play..not scream.

Well the battery is runnig low on our NEW lap top ..yup we got a new computer..yay. I love it.

Take care everyone

Random Jibber

Well maybe not so random! I think Ava may be walking soon, I am SOO excited...she learned to stand up in the middle of the floor all by herself. She can stand for a couple of mins..she had tried to take steps, gets up to about 2 and falls. We clap, yell , scream act crazy..she loves it!! I am the proudest mommy ever. She can take her steps better while on the bed..go figure!

I have a drs appt tomorrow..been having bad vertigo spells again..UGH. I am just hoping its still just my middle ear. Ive had this since high school, it comes in spells..but this certain spell doesnt seem to be ending. I constantly feel off balance, and my anxiety is maxed. back to staying in, and not doing much but park trips and to trips to nannys house.

Ive also been watching my neice and nephew for 2 weeks now. Its been ok--Ava really enjoys it. I am still deciding if I want to do it full time. I need some sort of a playroom ..we have white carpet in the living room area, we just got it and i didnt want it tracked on nearly as much as it is getting tracked on now with all the activity.

Ok have to get a few things done...take care!!